But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy sore nipples Batman
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