dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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