I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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