Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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