I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize