genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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