I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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