I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize