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  • 80 52
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 29, 09 at 1:07am

    It's a boy!... Kinda.

  • 73 55
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 8:30pm

    a poster of a meteor is equal to a poster of dinosaur becuase if a guy has that in his room , hes not getting laid. EVER.

  • 65 40
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 24, 09 at 3:48am

    Yay texting Demetri jokes!

  • 75 61
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 5:21pm

    b-a-n-a...keep going... n-a-n-a DAMN!

  • 70 61
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 3:51am

    Stolen joooooooooooke

  • 68 60
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 11:09pm

    I totally agree, i got all pissed cause i didn't want anyone taking credit for Demetri Awesome Martin! :)

  • 64 58
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 11:56am

    if i ever saw an amputee getting hung, i'd just start yelling out vowels

  • 63 60
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 9, 09 at 5:25pm

    I LOVE demetri martin!!!! they must have named oranges before they named carrots...

  • 65 65
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 10:32am

    thats demetriiiiiiiiiiiiiii

  • 59 55
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 16, 09 at 1:57am

    way to steal jokes. this ones mine... if you cant tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle than youre fat.

  • 67 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 6:47pm

    my frienbd uses a lot of similes. hes like..........annoying.........ladies

  • 59 58
    Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 23, 09 at 9:05pm

    Why doesn't he ever go into the pool?...oh, he's a CAT PERSON

  • 60 61
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 8:28am

    it's funny how finger puppets sounds okay as a noun. demitri = <3

  • 62 66
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:09pm

    demetri is the best!!!!

  • 59 61
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 8:28pm

    i'm glad people recognize this as demetri martin's joke

  • 54 51
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 1:10am

    hahaha peeing in the pool is different than peeing into the pool. location, location, location.

  • 59 61
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 5:55pm

    glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

  • 59 63
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 12:46pm

    I want leather sleeves.

  • 52 50
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 26, 09 at 10:39am

    I always carry a lighter with me ... I don't smoke ... I just like certain songs. ♥ oh Demetri Martin.

  • 55 56
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 12:56pm

    YESS DEMETRI!! Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal

  • 62 72
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 5:02pm

    Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.

  • 58 65
    Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 2, 09 at 5:52pm

    hiking is just walking where its okay to pee. sometimes old people hike by accident.

  • 60 71
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 7:01pm

    Everything is pocket-sized if your ass is big enough.

  • 60 71
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 8:21am

    Demitri Martin rules!

  • 53 59
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 5:20pm

    Someone in Houston likes Demitri Martin

  • 54 62
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 6, 09 at 1:37pm

    I go to a lot of sports bars. I'm not really into sports, and I'm not a big drinker, but I love slappin' five.

  • 52 59
    Submitted by sircohan on Jun 5, 10 at 10:41pm

    First. Oh and. Demitri!!!!!!!!!

  • 56 67
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 10:37pm

    I LOVE that man. seeing him live tomorrow :D

  • 56 77
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 3, 09 at 7:07pm

    the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...especially if your teammates are bad guessers

  • 54 77
    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:11pm

    I put g.i. joes in my butt