He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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