its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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