we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize