She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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