Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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