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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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