ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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