Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
okay pat passed out under dana's car
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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