i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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