I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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