peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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