if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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