Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize