I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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