i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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