He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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