I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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