Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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