Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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