dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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