Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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