i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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