I will die if light touches me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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