You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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