you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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