I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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