It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Be still, my beating vagina.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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