but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize