Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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