A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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