bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize