His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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