i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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