you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
