Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize