this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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