I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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