I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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