dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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