He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
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She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize