Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize